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kashiwritesChapter 8
Chapter 9
They remained for a long time in silence: Toshi huddled on his bed, knees up, head bent over them; and Miaki maintaining what distance he could manage, leaning against the door of the room. He remembered so well when their positions had been reversed last year, after he had attacked Kenji inside one of the simulations. Except then, Toshi had been able to sit beside him and even hold him while he wept, and promise that they’d work through everything together, and make it better. And he’d been right – they had found a solution, and Miaki had survived his ordeal, thanks to Toshi’s help, when he really hadn’t expected to.
Now, when his cousin needed him most, Miaki couldn’t do that, couldn’t return that comfort, that love. He had to stay as far away as he could, knowing that his just being in the room was probably making things worse. Toshi was ill and alone, and Miaki could do nothing about it. All he could do was stand across the room and watch as his cousin suffered.
Chapter 10
Chapter 9
They remained for a long time in silence: Toshi huddled on his bed, knees up, head bent over them; and Miaki maintaining what distance he could manage, leaning against the door of the room. He remembered so well when their positions had been reversed last year, after he had attacked Kenji inside one of the simulations. Except then, Toshi had been able to sit beside him and even hold him while he wept, and promise that they’d work through everything together, and make it better. And he’d been right – they had found a solution, and Miaki had survived his ordeal, thanks to Toshi’s help, when he really hadn’t expected to.
Now, when his cousin needed him most, Miaki couldn’t do that, couldn’t return that comfort, that love. He had to stay as far away as he could, knowing that his just being in the room was probably making things worse. Toshi was ill and alone, and Miaki could do nothing about it. All he could do was stand across the room and watch as his cousin suffered.
Fresh rage coursed through him with every beat of his heart, right alongside the utter helplessness. Kenji’s father had done this – or at least ordered it. He had known this would happen. And he had laughed. He’d laughed.
He heard, again, Kenji’s fervent cry, “Why didn’t you let me kill him when I had the chance, damn you??” and wondered for a desperate moment why, indeed, he had stopped Kenji’s hand. Except – Kenji was his friend. Whatever else had happened, Miaki couldn’t have let his friend be responsible for murdering his own father.
He should have killed the man himself.
The thought sliced through his soul like a cold steel blade, and he gasped at the pain of it, pressing his hands flat on either side of him, against the door.
Toshi looked up, miserable eyes still seeping tears. “I’m sorry, Miaki,” he whispered. “For everything.”
“Tosh – don’t. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
“But it is. I – I knew I shouldn’t go into the system when I saw you and Jin in the VR room. I knew it. But I did it anyway, because...I was curious about what would happen. I was curious.” He pressed a hand over his eyes. “And look what happened to Akio because of it. What an idiot I am! Why did I do that? Why??”
“I think he’ll be all right. I think it was just a shock. Toshi – it’ll be okay. We’ll fix this, I promise. Just keep yourself together, and we’ll do it.”
“Will the school officials even let you? You know you’ll have to tell them now, after...after what I did to Akio. If you don’t tell them, he will, that’s for sure.”
Miaki managed a painful smile. “I guarantee you,” he said, “that after Jin sent for the doctor, she sent a message to Mr. Woon. He’ll understand, and get us some help, I know it.”
“If anyone can figure out what to do – it’ll be him,” Toshi nodded. Then he removed his hand and his eyes were sober upon his cousin’s face. “But what happens if nobody can fix this?”
“We will – we’ll reverse – “
“No, wait. Think about this. Don’t just assume that the great Miaki Nakamura can solve every puzzle someone throws at him.” For a moment, the sarcasm was unmistakable. Toshi’s eyes widened as he recognized it, and he took several deep breaths, pulling it back, realizing where it had come from. He couldn’t disguise the fear in his eyes as his gaze returned to his cousin, but for the moment, he’d managed to rein in the virus’s effects. “What I mean,” he said carefully, “is that somewhere, somehow, there might just be a programming conundrum that even you can’t solve. So...what if this is the one? What do we do then?”
He wanted to bring out the bravado and assert, forcefully and confidently, “We’ll figure it out, we’ll fix this, no matter what.” But Toshi was as intelligent and insightful as he was, and no amount of bluff would deceive him about something like this.
“Maybe,” Miaki’s voice shook, and he cleared his throat. “Maybe this is the one...but I refuse to make that assumption until it’s proven to me. If I can’t find out how to fix this – then maybe Chika will. If she can’t find out – we’ll get somebody else. We won’t stop trying, Toshi. I’ll never stop trying until my – “
“Until your dying breath? Is that what you’re thinking?” Toshi said tightly.
“If it takes that long – yes.”
“’That long.’” Toshi laughed, but there was no humour in the sound at all. “Don’t you get it yet, Miaki?” The tears had returned, and the despair, as he gazed across the room at his cousin’s face. “Haven’t you figured out where this is going – where Tanaka planned all along that this would go?”
“What are you talking about?” Miaki asked faintly, his heart beginning to pound in his throat. What had he forgotten? What was he missing, that Toshi understood and he didn’t?
“I’ve figured it out,” Toshi moaned. “I can feel it. It’s in there, building up, and I don’t have any strength to stop it. Tanaka didn’t infect me just to make me play little pranks and irritate you. Miaki – he infected me to make me kill you.”
The words hung in the air between them as the ground seemed to heave under Miaki’s feet. If he weren’t leaning back against the door, he knew he’d collapse. There was no answer, nothing to say. This was the terrible truth he’d overlooked, what he hadn’t let himself see, the suspicion he hadn’t dared to entertain. But it was true. He knew it was.
He stared starkly back at his cousin, and knew that their faces mirrored the exact same grief and fear.
*********
Akio was recovered and back on his feet within two days, though he had to spend both of them in sick bay. Mr. Ian Woon was at his side by the evening of the day he’d been injured, and spent a lot of time talking with him and consulting with the doctor in residence at the school. This was his first priority, before he even talked with the other students about what had caused this incident.
For a while, there was a great deal of worry as the medical staff discovered the jagged red marks running down Akio’s arms and legs and across his forehead. Even after the way the simulations last year had impinged on the real world, it was still hard to face the idea that an incident involving someone’s avatar within the computer system could produce real-world results like this.
But Akio assured them that the soreness of the light burn marks felt entirely real. And despite his return to his usual bright humour and positive outlook, there was a haunted quality behind his gaze when he tried to describe what it had been like to be engulfed in bolts of electricity inside the system. The pain had been very real, and the terror hadn’t quite subsided.
However, the damage to his body didn’t extend any further than the burn marks, which faded as quickly as a sunburn. They ran several tests, especially heart-related tests, and he was pronounced in excellent shape, apart from the tiredness he felt after the experience. So there would be no lasting damage. When the doctor suggested that perhaps his family should be called, he was very firm in putting an end to that idea. ISCE students might still be fairly young, but technically they were adults, and the idea of dragging his parents into anything at this point was disagreeable to him.
Meanwhile, when it came to the situation with Toshi, things were very different. Even in two days, and even keeping himself outside the network, the virus had grown worse. It didn’t affect his attitude toward Miaki so much, since he did succeed in damping that down, apart from the odd lapse into sarcasm now and then. But the way the virus manifested instead was physical: he found it hard to keep any food down, and he contracted a fever which grew more and more pronounced. His nerves quickly became frazzled, and he paced almost non-stop in his room, the nervous energy barely allowing him to sit down, and rarely allowing sleep.
He would deliberately have kept himself in his room anyway, to try to avoid the temptation of more prank-pulling on anyone (and, if he were to admit it, to avoid running into Akio). But Mr. Woon and the school principal made it official, requiring him to stay there until they could devise some way to help him, and remove the virus nodes from the simulations. After some discussion with Miaki and the others, they acknowledged that Toshi’s erratic and harmful behaviour had been virus-induced, and so given his previous stellar record as a student and member of the ISCE community, expelling him or even disciplining him wasn’t on their agenda. But they preferred that he keep mostly to himself while they worked on his problem.
There was even a brief consideration of sending him home, until Miaki reminded them that if they found a way to reverse the effects of the virus, the solution would have to be administered at the school, where they were equipped to do it. There was hardly any other place in the world where it would be possible.
As to finding a way to reverse the virus’s effects, it became clear very quickly that Miaki and Chika especially, but their other close friends as well, were most qualified to work on that project. For one thing, they’d done a lot of work on it already, so that would give the investigation a head start. But they also knew the ISCE network more intimately than almost anyone else, which subtracted another difficulty.
So two school professors were assigned to work on the problem with Miaki, Chika, Kenji, Jin, and Julie. Professor Ito had worked extensively with the original designer of the network, so she was a clear choice. And Professor Kobayashi’s specialty was the coding of VR simulations, and he had in fact created a large percentage of the sims used at ISCE, so his inclusion was obvious.
During the two days of Akio’s sojourn in sick bay, all other ISCE students were blocked out of the network while the two professors and the student team went over it to make sure there were no other harmful elements lurking inside. By the time Akio was released from sick bay, the network was pronounced clean. The eight offending simulations with virus nodes were isolated from the rest of the network, and that was where the investigating team concentrated their efforts.
Miaki went to Toshi’s room in the evening, the day after students were allowed back in, to report on the status of everything.
Even over an extra day, his cousin’s condition was visibly worse. Toshi sat on his bed, listening as carefully as he could, but he kept having to wipe his hot face with the damp cloth he now kept constantly with him. And whenever he raised it to his face, his hands shook. The doctor had begun considering transferring him to sick bay, but they’d check into that again tomorrow.
Miaki kept his voice and manner as upbeat as possible, despite how his heart constricted at Toshi’s condition. “We’ve really narrowed things down now,” he said. “Chika and I have gone in, several times over the last couple of days, and mapped more of the virus nodes. We’ve figured out most of the compartments that are there mainly as distractions or red herrings, and we even think we’ve located the ones that link the avatar and your real-life body, to extend the virus outward. That’s a little more nebulous, though, since those compartments aren’t exactly the same place in each node.”
“So you...you know where things are,” Toshi nodded. “That helps. But that’s also where...where it gets d-dangerous. Once you start touching th-those compartments.”
“I agree. And Chika and Jin have made me promise,” Miaki smiled, “that when we start working directly with those, I won’t touch them at all. But I don’t think Ito or Kobayashi would let me anyway.”
“What?” Toshi managed a faint answering smile. “Mere ISCE professors...trying to control the genius? How d-dare they?”
“I don’t tell them, but I’m actually glad. I feel a lot safer, now that they’re along. And now that Mr. Woon knows everything.”
“We p-probably should have told them r-right away.” Toshi shivered, wiping his face. “M-maybe we’re not quite the w-world heroes and giant-killers we thought we w-were, eh?” He focused bleary eyes on his cousin.
Miaki fought to speak around the sudden lump in his throat. “If...if it’s been my own arrogance that has done this to you, Tosh...I promise I’ll fix this. I’ll give my own life if I have to.”
Toshi sighed wearily. “Miaki, I...you know the virus makes me...think things. And sometimes it makes me...blame you for this. B-but deep down, I know...it’s not y-your fault. It’s Tanaka’s. Everything. Since your f-father.”
Miaki bowed his head. He whispered, “Sometimes I think about him, and wish he hadn’t run into those files during his research. Then he wouldn’t have seen something he shouldn’t have...and Tanaka wouldn’t have detected him...and he’d still be alive, and none of this would have happened. If only...”
“B-but then,” Toshi reminded him, “we’d p-probably be living under the t-totalitarian thumb of Tanaka’s conspirators.”
“So in the end,” said Miaki, the old grief welling up again, “it was a good thing that my father died like he did. So we could save the world as a result.”
“That’s terrible. Terrible.” Toshi sighed and leaned his head back against the wall beside his bed. “Miaki, I...feel awful.”
“Tell me what I can do. Anything. I’ll do anything.”
“I know you would. But you can’t help right now. You know what this feels like? It...it’s like an a-a-addiction. It’s like I’m going through w-withdrawal from a drug. I need to g-get online...so bad. I need it so bad, I...I can hardly stand it.”
“My god, Toshi.” Miaki’s fists clenched involuntarily. “The virus does that to you too? Makes you need to get online, or you feel like...this?” he waved his hand vaguely in his cousin’s direction.
Toshi nodded. “I thought I w-was imagining it, at first. But it...it really makes me want to get in there. So bad it, it almost hurts.”
“And that’s the one place you shouldn’t go. Dammit. This is cruel beyond – Toshi, I’m so sorry. So sorry you ever got dragged into my troubles. You shouldn’t be paying like this when I – when nothing his happening to me – “
“Never mind. Don’t get upset. It’s okay.” Toshi wiped his face again. “But I...I think you need to go now, Miaki. I’m having a hard time f-fighting just now. I think I need a b-break...”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you alone – “
“Please!” Toshi’s voice rose, but he took control again right away. “It will help, Miaki. I...it...right now, it’s making me s-so I...can’t stand the sight of you. It’s taking all my energy to fight ag-gainst it. So please...just for a while...just go...”
“All right. I’m sorry.” But still Miaki hesitated. ”What about if the doctor gave you something to put you to sleep for a while? Would that help this addiction, or whatever it is?”
“No. That would just lock me into the dreams about getting into the s-system. At least when I’m aw-wake, I can try to divert my mind away.”
“Okay, I see. But can someone at least check on you before bedtime?”
“Fine, sure. Now go. Please, Miaki – just go! Please!”
He could see his cousin’s composure breaking. He yanked the door open and left the room, shutting it and slumping against it. He wasn’t surprised at all to hear a thump almost immediately, as though Toshi had thrown something at the door as he left. He’d had no idea the guy had been struggling so hard; Tosh had hidden it very well, right until the last minute.
Miaki bowed his head, unable to prevent the tears from coming. They had to find the cure for this virus, soon. They just had to! He didn’t know how long Toshi could go on like this.
When he lifted his head – something else that wasn’t really much of a surprise. Jin stood waiting across the hall from him, leaning back against the wall.
“I hope you don’t mind,” she said softly. “I saw you going in there, and thought you might need a shoulder when you came out.”
His face set, and he looked away, the red streaks across his cheek burning against the pallor of his skin. “I’m fine,” he said tersely. “I was just telling him our progress so far. That’s all.”
“Yes. That’s what it looks like, all right.”
“Okay,” he elaborated, a little resentfully. “It wasn’t the easiest thing...but we’ll get through it. He -- he’s going to be fine. We’ll fix this. I – I’m sure we’ll...” His voice trailed away as he lost the strength to pretend he believed what he was saying. When he lifted his eyes back to her face, they were drowning. “Jin,” he whispered. “Oh, Jin.”
She walked over and pulled his head onto her shoulder, holding him tightly as he wept.
*********
The hunger had grown so consuming, so all-encompassing, that at last it was too much. They’d set locks on his door, but they were all computer-controlled locks, and he was who he was, after all. It took barely twenty minutes before they were overcome – and in such a way that no bells went off, no alarms were triggered. You’d think they’d have known better, the idiots. Especially him.
He’d probably be back before anyone knew he’d been gone. He just needed something to ease this horrid need, just a bit, just to give him the strength to endure a little longer. If he did this, say, every second night, he might be able to go on indefinitely while they tried to find a solution.
But if he didn’t do it tonight, he’d go absolutely mad.
He knew the less-travelled corridors, to the less-used VR terminal rooms; he and the others had learned all these quiet routes last year. So it wasn’t hard to find an out-of-the-way place, and of course it was unoccupied at this time of night.
His hands shook as he settled into the chair and pulled on the gloves and boots. It was galling, to watch the tremors as he picked up the goggles. Just five minutes – maybe ten – and he wouldn’t shake so badly. That was all he needed, and then he’d be okay for another couple of days. Just a few minutes.
He put on the goggles, and entered his login.
Damn them! They’d blocked it too! How dared they?? All this talk about wanting to help him, and all they did – all he did – was block every means of help available!
Well, he’d show them all. If they thought they could keep him out of the system when he needed to get in – they’d soon find out differently.
He worked as quickly as possible, cursing at the way he fumbled as his need grew stronger. So close – he was so close! He had to get in or he might start to scream! He couldn’t go back to his room – he just couldn’t face it again – not without a little relief first! He couldn’t bear it any more – he couldn’t!
There. There it was! A back door, just enough space to sneak through. He wanted to laugh, to giggle with glee – but he recognized the beginnings of hysteria, and stopped himself in time. With just a little twist, he was inside, standing on the path leading to the gazebo.
Almost instantly, he fell to his hands and knees on the path, waves of relief bursting over him, sweeping through him. Oh, it was so good – so much better! It had been almost unbearable, living without this. He felt full, energized, reinvigorated! Just a few seconds inside, and he already felt almost completely revived. What a good idea this had been!
Except...maybe less good than he thought. Because they’d anticipated him after all, and now all sorts of alarms were going off. Even in the gazebo, there were red lights flashing. Okay, enough was probably enough, he guessed. He felt so good, just by being in here for less than a minute, that he could probably log off already.
When they saw how much better he felt, after such a short exposure, surely they’d find a way to give him a little of what he needed, in some secure, isolated corner where nothing else could go wrong. This could solve a few of the doctor’s worries, and buy some time for the others to work without worrying. So yes, he’d log off now, and they could talk about it.
Except...wrong again. He tried to log off, but nothing happened. He tried again, but got the same result. Just what was going on here? They couldn’t possibly have blocked him from getting out, once he’d gotten in? That made no sense at all. He tried to log out a third time, but it was as though he’d done nothing at all. What on earth was happening??
The lights kept flashing all around him, distracting him and making it hard to think. And now a siren had begun to sound in the gazebo. (Really, Miaki, he thought, rolling his eyes. Talk about overkill!) He tried to put his hands over his ears or dampen down his avatar’s perception of the lights and the noise, but that didn’t work either.
He had to get out of here! They were going to be so upset with him as it was. If the lights and the noise would just stop so he could think –
And then it came to him in a flash, and he finally understood. This was part of the virus, too. He hadn’t felt anything of that strong hunger until he’d agreed not to go inside the system again. But once he’d agreed to abstain, that deep need had stirred, and risen up until it tormented every thought, night and day. The virus was designed to keep him going into the net, where the rage and hatred against Miaki would build and build and build until –
Oh no. Oh no.
“What have I done?” Toshi whispered. “Oh my god, Miaki – what have I done??”
He heard, again, Kenji’s fervent cry, “Why didn’t you let me kill him when I had the chance, damn you??” and wondered for a desperate moment why, indeed, he had stopped Kenji’s hand. Except – Kenji was his friend. Whatever else had happened, Miaki couldn’t have let his friend be responsible for murdering his own father.
He should have killed the man himself.
The thought sliced through his soul like a cold steel blade, and he gasped at the pain of it, pressing his hands flat on either side of him, against the door.
Toshi looked up, miserable eyes still seeping tears. “I’m sorry, Miaki,” he whispered. “For everything.”
“Tosh – don’t. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
“But it is. I – I knew I shouldn’t go into the system when I saw you and Jin in the VR room. I knew it. But I did it anyway, because...I was curious about what would happen. I was curious.” He pressed a hand over his eyes. “And look what happened to Akio because of it. What an idiot I am! Why did I do that? Why??”
“I think he’ll be all right. I think it was just a shock. Toshi – it’ll be okay. We’ll fix this, I promise. Just keep yourself together, and we’ll do it.”
“Will the school officials even let you? You know you’ll have to tell them now, after...after what I did to Akio. If you don’t tell them, he will, that’s for sure.”
Miaki managed a painful smile. “I guarantee you,” he said, “that after Jin sent for the doctor, she sent a message to Mr. Woon. He’ll understand, and get us some help, I know it.”
“If anyone can figure out what to do – it’ll be him,” Toshi nodded. Then he removed his hand and his eyes were sober upon his cousin’s face. “But what happens if nobody can fix this?”
“We will – we’ll reverse – “
“No, wait. Think about this. Don’t just assume that the great Miaki Nakamura can solve every puzzle someone throws at him.” For a moment, the sarcasm was unmistakable. Toshi’s eyes widened as he recognized it, and he took several deep breaths, pulling it back, realizing where it had come from. He couldn’t disguise the fear in his eyes as his gaze returned to his cousin, but for the moment, he’d managed to rein in the virus’s effects. “What I mean,” he said carefully, “is that somewhere, somehow, there might just be a programming conundrum that even you can’t solve. So...what if this is the one? What do we do then?”
He wanted to bring out the bravado and assert, forcefully and confidently, “We’ll figure it out, we’ll fix this, no matter what.” But Toshi was as intelligent and insightful as he was, and no amount of bluff would deceive him about something like this.
“Maybe,” Miaki’s voice shook, and he cleared his throat. “Maybe this is the one...but I refuse to make that assumption until it’s proven to me. If I can’t find out how to fix this – then maybe Chika will. If she can’t find out – we’ll get somebody else. We won’t stop trying, Toshi. I’ll never stop trying until my – “
“Until your dying breath? Is that what you’re thinking?” Toshi said tightly.
“If it takes that long – yes.”
“’That long.’” Toshi laughed, but there was no humour in the sound at all. “Don’t you get it yet, Miaki?” The tears had returned, and the despair, as he gazed across the room at his cousin’s face. “Haven’t you figured out where this is going – where Tanaka planned all along that this would go?”
“What are you talking about?” Miaki asked faintly, his heart beginning to pound in his throat. What had he forgotten? What was he missing, that Toshi understood and he didn’t?
“I’ve figured it out,” Toshi moaned. “I can feel it. It’s in there, building up, and I don’t have any strength to stop it. Tanaka didn’t infect me just to make me play little pranks and irritate you. Miaki – he infected me to make me kill you.”
The words hung in the air between them as the ground seemed to heave under Miaki’s feet. If he weren’t leaning back against the door, he knew he’d collapse. There was no answer, nothing to say. This was the terrible truth he’d overlooked, what he hadn’t let himself see, the suspicion he hadn’t dared to entertain. But it was true. He knew it was.
He stared starkly back at his cousin, and knew that their faces mirrored the exact same grief and fear.
*********
Akio was recovered and back on his feet within two days, though he had to spend both of them in sick bay. Mr. Ian Woon was at his side by the evening of the day he’d been injured, and spent a lot of time talking with him and consulting with the doctor in residence at the school. This was his first priority, before he even talked with the other students about what had caused this incident.
For a while, there was a great deal of worry as the medical staff discovered the jagged red marks running down Akio’s arms and legs and across his forehead. Even after the way the simulations last year had impinged on the real world, it was still hard to face the idea that an incident involving someone’s avatar within the computer system could produce real-world results like this.
But Akio assured them that the soreness of the light burn marks felt entirely real. And despite his return to his usual bright humour and positive outlook, there was a haunted quality behind his gaze when he tried to describe what it had been like to be engulfed in bolts of electricity inside the system. The pain had been very real, and the terror hadn’t quite subsided.
However, the damage to his body didn’t extend any further than the burn marks, which faded as quickly as a sunburn. They ran several tests, especially heart-related tests, and he was pronounced in excellent shape, apart from the tiredness he felt after the experience. So there would be no lasting damage. When the doctor suggested that perhaps his family should be called, he was very firm in putting an end to that idea. ISCE students might still be fairly young, but technically they were adults, and the idea of dragging his parents into anything at this point was disagreeable to him.
Meanwhile, when it came to the situation with Toshi, things were very different. Even in two days, and even keeping himself outside the network, the virus had grown worse. It didn’t affect his attitude toward Miaki so much, since he did succeed in damping that down, apart from the odd lapse into sarcasm now and then. But the way the virus manifested instead was physical: he found it hard to keep any food down, and he contracted a fever which grew more and more pronounced. His nerves quickly became frazzled, and he paced almost non-stop in his room, the nervous energy barely allowing him to sit down, and rarely allowing sleep.
He would deliberately have kept himself in his room anyway, to try to avoid the temptation of more prank-pulling on anyone (and, if he were to admit it, to avoid running into Akio). But Mr. Woon and the school principal made it official, requiring him to stay there until they could devise some way to help him, and remove the virus nodes from the simulations. After some discussion with Miaki and the others, they acknowledged that Toshi’s erratic and harmful behaviour had been virus-induced, and so given his previous stellar record as a student and member of the ISCE community, expelling him or even disciplining him wasn’t on their agenda. But they preferred that he keep mostly to himself while they worked on his problem.
There was even a brief consideration of sending him home, until Miaki reminded them that if they found a way to reverse the effects of the virus, the solution would have to be administered at the school, where they were equipped to do it. There was hardly any other place in the world where it would be possible.
As to finding a way to reverse the virus’s effects, it became clear very quickly that Miaki and Chika especially, but their other close friends as well, were most qualified to work on that project. For one thing, they’d done a lot of work on it already, so that would give the investigation a head start. But they also knew the ISCE network more intimately than almost anyone else, which subtracted another difficulty.
So two school professors were assigned to work on the problem with Miaki, Chika, Kenji, Jin, and Julie. Professor Ito had worked extensively with the original designer of the network, so she was a clear choice. And Professor Kobayashi’s specialty was the coding of VR simulations, and he had in fact created a large percentage of the sims used at ISCE, so his inclusion was obvious.
During the two days of Akio’s sojourn in sick bay, all other ISCE students were blocked out of the network while the two professors and the student team went over it to make sure there were no other harmful elements lurking inside. By the time Akio was released from sick bay, the network was pronounced clean. The eight offending simulations with virus nodes were isolated from the rest of the network, and that was where the investigating team concentrated their efforts.
Miaki went to Toshi’s room in the evening, the day after students were allowed back in, to report on the status of everything.
Even over an extra day, his cousin’s condition was visibly worse. Toshi sat on his bed, listening as carefully as he could, but he kept having to wipe his hot face with the damp cloth he now kept constantly with him. And whenever he raised it to his face, his hands shook. The doctor had begun considering transferring him to sick bay, but they’d check into that again tomorrow.
Miaki kept his voice and manner as upbeat as possible, despite how his heart constricted at Toshi’s condition. “We’ve really narrowed things down now,” he said. “Chika and I have gone in, several times over the last couple of days, and mapped more of the virus nodes. We’ve figured out most of the compartments that are there mainly as distractions or red herrings, and we even think we’ve located the ones that link the avatar and your real-life body, to extend the virus outward. That’s a little more nebulous, though, since those compartments aren’t exactly the same place in each node.”
“So you...you know where things are,” Toshi nodded. “That helps. But that’s also where...where it gets d-dangerous. Once you start touching th-those compartments.”
“I agree. And Chika and Jin have made me promise,” Miaki smiled, “that when we start working directly with those, I won’t touch them at all. But I don’t think Ito or Kobayashi would let me anyway.”
“What?” Toshi managed a faint answering smile. “Mere ISCE professors...trying to control the genius? How d-dare they?”
“I don’t tell them, but I’m actually glad. I feel a lot safer, now that they’re along. And now that Mr. Woon knows everything.”
“We p-probably should have told them r-right away.” Toshi shivered, wiping his face. “M-maybe we’re not quite the w-world heroes and giant-killers we thought we w-were, eh?” He focused bleary eyes on his cousin.
Miaki fought to speak around the sudden lump in his throat. “If...if it’s been my own arrogance that has done this to you, Tosh...I promise I’ll fix this. I’ll give my own life if I have to.”
Toshi sighed wearily. “Miaki, I...you know the virus makes me...think things. And sometimes it makes me...blame you for this. B-but deep down, I know...it’s not y-your fault. It’s Tanaka’s. Everything. Since your f-father.”
Miaki bowed his head. He whispered, “Sometimes I think about him, and wish he hadn’t run into those files during his research. Then he wouldn’t have seen something he shouldn’t have...and Tanaka wouldn’t have detected him...and he’d still be alive, and none of this would have happened. If only...”
“B-but then,” Toshi reminded him, “we’d p-probably be living under the t-totalitarian thumb of Tanaka’s conspirators.”
“So in the end,” said Miaki, the old grief welling up again, “it was a good thing that my father died like he did. So we could save the world as a result.”
“That’s terrible. Terrible.” Toshi sighed and leaned his head back against the wall beside his bed. “Miaki, I...feel awful.”
“Tell me what I can do. Anything. I’ll do anything.”
“I know you would. But you can’t help right now. You know what this feels like? It...it’s like an a-a-addiction. It’s like I’m going through w-withdrawal from a drug. I need to g-get online...so bad. I need it so bad, I...I can hardly stand it.”
“My god, Toshi.” Miaki’s fists clenched involuntarily. “The virus does that to you too? Makes you need to get online, or you feel like...this?” he waved his hand vaguely in his cousin’s direction.
Toshi nodded. “I thought I w-was imagining it, at first. But it...it really makes me want to get in there. So bad it, it almost hurts.”
“And that’s the one place you shouldn’t go. Dammit. This is cruel beyond – Toshi, I’m so sorry. So sorry you ever got dragged into my troubles. You shouldn’t be paying like this when I – when nothing his happening to me – “
“Never mind. Don’t get upset. It’s okay.” Toshi wiped his face again. “But I...I think you need to go now, Miaki. I’m having a hard time f-fighting just now. I think I need a b-break...”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you alone – “
“Please!” Toshi’s voice rose, but he took control again right away. “It will help, Miaki. I...it...right now, it’s making me s-so I...can’t stand the sight of you. It’s taking all my energy to fight ag-gainst it. So please...just for a while...just go...”
“All right. I’m sorry.” But still Miaki hesitated. ”What about if the doctor gave you something to put you to sleep for a while? Would that help this addiction, or whatever it is?”
“No. That would just lock me into the dreams about getting into the s-system. At least when I’m aw-wake, I can try to divert my mind away.”
“Okay, I see. But can someone at least check on you before bedtime?”
“Fine, sure. Now go. Please, Miaki – just go! Please!”
He could see his cousin’s composure breaking. He yanked the door open and left the room, shutting it and slumping against it. He wasn’t surprised at all to hear a thump almost immediately, as though Toshi had thrown something at the door as he left. He’d had no idea the guy had been struggling so hard; Tosh had hidden it very well, right until the last minute.
Miaki bowed his head, unable to prevent the tears from coming. They had to find the cure for this virus, soon. They just had to! He didn’t know how long Toshi could go on like this.
When he lifted his head – something else that wasn’t really much of a surprise. Jin stood waiting across the hall from him, leaning back against the wall.
“I hope you don’t mind,” she said softly. “I saw you going in there, and thought you might need a shoulder when you came out.”
His face set, and he looked away, the red streaks across his cheek burning against the pallor of his skin. “I’m fine,” he said tersely. “I was just telling him our progress so far. That’s all.”
“Yes. That’s what it looks like, all right.”
“Okay,” he elaborated, a little resentfully. “It wasn’t the easiest thing...but we’ll get through it. He -- he’s going to be fine. We’ll fix this. I – I’m sure we’ll...” His voice trailed away as he lost the strength to pretend he believed what he was saying. When he lifted his eyes back to her face, they were drowning. “Jin,” he whispered. “Oh, Jin.”
She walked over and pulled his head onto her shoulder, holding him tightly as he wept.
*********
The hunger had grown so consuming, so all-encompassing, that at last it was too much. They’d set locks on his door, but they were all computer-controlled locks, and he was who he was, after all. It took barely twenty minutes before they were overcome – and in such a way that no bells went off, no alarms were triggered. You’d think they’d have known better, the idiots. Especially him.
He’d probably be back before anyone knew he’d been gone. He just needed something to ease this horrid need, just a bit, just to give him the strength to endure a little longer. If he did this, say, every second night, he might be able to go on indefinitely while they tried to find a solution.
But if he didn’t do it tonight, he’d go absolutely mad.
He knew the less-travelled corridors, to the less-used VR terminal rooms; he and the others had learned all these quiet routes last year. So it wasn’t hard to find an out-of-the-way place, and of course it was unoccupied at this time of night.
His hands shook as he settled into the chair and pulled on the gloves and boots. It was galling, to watch the tremors as he picked up the goggles. Just five minutes – maybe ten – and he wouldn’t shake so badly. That was all he needed, and then he’d be okay for another couple of days. Just a few minutes.
He put on the goggles, and entered his login.
Damn them! They’d blocked it too! How dared they?? All this talk about wanting to help him, and all they did – all he did – was block every means of help available!
Well, he’d show them all. If they thought they could keep him out of the system when he needed to get in – they’d soon find out differently.
He worked as quickly as possible, cursing at the way he fumbled as his need grew stronger. So close – he was so close! He had to get in or he might start to scream! He couldn’t go back to his room – he just couldn’t face it again – not without a little relief first! He couldn’t bear it any more – he couldn’t!
There. There it was! A back door, just enough space to sneak through. He wanted to laugh, to giggle with glee – but he recognized the beginnings of hysteria, and stopped himself in time. With just a little twist, he was inside, standing on the path leading to the gazebo.
Almost instantly, he fell to his hands and knees on the path, waves of relief bursting over him, sweeping through him. Oh, it was so good – so much better! It had been almost unbearable, living without this. He felt full, energized, reinvigorated! Just a few seconds inside, and he already felt almost completely revived. What a good idea this had been!
Except...maybe less good than he thought. Because they’d anticipated him after all, and now all sorts of alarms were going off. Even in the gazebo, there were red lights flashing. Okay, enough was probably enough, he guessed. He felt so good, just by being in here for less than a minute, that he could probably log off already.
When they saw how much better he felt, after such a short exposure, surely they’d find a way to give him a little of what he needed, in some secure, isolated corner where nothing else could go wrong. This could solve a few of the doctor’s worries, and buy some time for the others to work without worrying. So yes, he’d log off now, and they could talk about it.
Except...wrong again. He tried to log off, but nothing happened. He tried again, but got the same result. Just what was going on here? They couldn’t possibly have blocked him from getting out, once he’d gotten in? That made no sense at all. He tried to log out a third time, but it was as though he’d done nothing at all. What on earth was happening??
The lights kept flashing all around him, distracting him and making it hard to think. And now a siren had begun to sound in the gazebo. (Really, Miaki, he thought, rolling his eyes. Talk about overkill!) He tried to put his hands over his ears or dampen down his avatar’s perception of the lights and the noise, but that didn’t work either.
He had to get out of here! They were going to be so upset with him as it was. If the lights and the noise would just stop so he could think –
And then it came to him in a flash, and he finally understood. This was part of the virus, too. He hadn’t felt anything of that strong hunger until he’d agreed not to go inside the system again. But once he’d agreed to abstain, that deep need had stirred, and risen up until it tormented every thought, night and day. The virus was designed to keep him going into the net, where the rage and hatred against Miaki would build and build and build until –
Oh no. Oh no.
“What have I done?” Toshi whispered. “Oh my god, Miaki – what have I done??”
Chapter 10
